Op-Eds Opinion

SC Sexpert: Halloween Costume Catastrophe

Editor’s Note: This is a weekly column series by an anonymous Springfield College student. To reach the writer, contact The Springfield Student at thescstudent1910@gmail.com.

(Graphic by Nick Lovett/The Student)
(Graphic by Nick Lovett/The Student)

Well boys and girls, the time has finally arrived – it’s Halloween! That time of year when everyone gets all dressed up and pretends the holiday is really about candy. But don’t we all know what Halloween’s REALLY about?

According to Cady Herring from Mean Girls, “In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut, and no other girls can say anything about it.”

Folks, don’t pretend this isn’t true. The only false part is the fact that girls will still call each other names, even if it is Halloween. Welcome to college.
For the sake of this holiday column, let’s stick to one topic: costumes, costumes and more costumes.

We’ve already established that Halloween is all about the costumes, but for the most part, it’s about what the ladies are wearing.

We know most guys don’t put much effort in when it comes to dressing up. Now, let’s be honest, most girls get extremely excited to get dressed up. They will go out weeks in advance to pick out the costume that will best show off their physique. And most times, they will think their costumes are the cleverest ideas to ever grace Springfield College.

Well, ladies, here’s a news flash for you: adding a tail or strapping a pair of bunny ears on your head does not make you a costume genius. In fact, it makes you unoriginal.

Whatever happened to the good old days when thinking about your costume was half the fun of dressing up? Now everybody’s mindset is stuck on how tight you can get your outfit. And speaking of the tightness of costumes, don’t even get me started on taping yourself into an outfit. Who in God’s name started this? If people think girls are crazy for the amount of effort they put into getting dressed for classes, wait until you hear about the latest trend for Halloween costumes.
Girls actually take the time to wrap their bodies up in duct tape, and then try and play it off like that was the only material they had to create Taco Bell sauce “costumes.” Or the classic, “I’m a crayon” outfit. Actually, I’m pretty sure you’re just stuck in tape, with no way to use the bathroom.

With all of that being said, there are plenty of people who do follow classy costume etiquette. These people understand that butt cheeks are not an accessory. And (thank God) there are still some people out there who take the time to create clever costumes. I appreciate, for example, the boy who took the time to cut out poster board and create a YouTube border and write “Average Joe kisses hot girl at party” as the name of the video, and stand inside the cardboard cut out meeting ladies all night. Tell me that’s not creative!

Along with the creative costumes, there are always ideas that are current with the times. I predict this year there will be plenty of Miley Cyrus’, many, many minions, and plenty of “princesses” out there. Because nothing says “childhood princess” more than showing off your magical pumpkins, right ladies? Until next time my sexy readers.

XOXO,

SC Sexpert

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