Sex, Love, And No Relationships: Boyfriends With Benefits

Jaclyn Imondi
Copy Editor/Contributing Writer




LSNRSo, I have this friend, and she has a boyfriend now. This doesn’t seem like significant news, but it is because she has done the impossible: she has turned her Friend with Benefits into her boyfriend. Let’s all give her a round of applause for that feat of greatness.

College is all about hook-ups, and I even though I have talked about this more than once in this series of columns, I’m going to do it again. For whatever reason, and I am generalizing here, guys in college typically are not looking for committed relationships.

Some of the guys I have talked to argue that they don’t have time, while others say that they want to use college to “go crazy” and “get it out of their system” before they settle down.

Somehow, my friend has managed to bypass and suppress all of these other thoughts to get him to enter an official relationship.

They had been talking and hanging out since the summer, and after so many months of just that, my friend decided she needed “more.”

She visited him at his college and laid down the law; she gave him an ultimatum of “make this official or we’re done.” He thought and they talked about it, and he agreed.

Now, let me be clear, she didn’t force him into a relationship because she couldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do; she simply gave him the option to either stay with her or lose her altogether, and I guess losing her wasn’t the winning option for him.

She came back to school acting so nonchalant, as if she hadn’t just won the battle of the century. I was in awe.

You may think I’m ridiculous for thinking so highly of my friend that managed to do this, but so be it.

I thought about the other girls or guys who might be in the same situation that my friend once was, people who end up falling for the person they spent so much time with and energy caring about, only to have it crumble when the other person wasn’t willing to move forward and progress the relationship.

So my advice is this: if you want to date your FWB, just ask. Stop depriving yourself of what you want because you’re afraid things won’t work out. Just take the plunge and ask.
I want to make the point, though, that if you ask your FWB to date you, and he/she says no, that is in no way a reflection of you.

I’ve talked about rejection before, but I want to reiterate my previous point: rejection sucks, but you will be okay. If your FWB doesn’t want to date you, then move on; there are probably dozens of people who would love to be in a relationship with you.

The right person might not be around the corner, but ending your FWB relationship will allow you to open your eyes to new opportunities waiting for you. You just have to be patient and be conscious of what you want.


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