October 31st, Halloween. The day that most college students circle on the calendar once they arrive on campus. And if the day itself isn’t enough of a morale disaster in the first place, this year, it just so happens to fall on a Saturday.
For those who have been on campus for a few years now, you’ve seen quite a bit each Halloween, and it seems like every year another moron finds a way to outdo the person you thought was the biggest moron last year.
That being said, I’ve compiled my list of people you don’t want to be this Halloween.
The Racist/Person Lacking Any Sensitivity at All
Every year, someone takes that really hot social issue and makes it into a distasteful costume. 2015 has had no shortage of hot social issues, and between Caitlyn Jenner and Bill Cosby, there is no shortage of options you can choose this year that would do nothing but make a tool of yourself.
So before you pull out the Rachel Dolezal costume, go ahead and ask yourself if more than just a few people are going to think you’re the most insensitive person on campus. In all likelihood, it will be more than just a few people thinking that.
The Drunken Idiot
Hey, we’ve all been there. Some nights that Rubinoff just goes down like water and you find yourself kissing porcelain by nights end.
But there’s something to be said about being that person on Halloween. When you’re dressed in a costume that stands out in the first place, plus you have your head in a trash can in the townhouse backyards, you look about twenty times worse than you otherwise would.
This is not to mention the fact that you’re not the only person who’s been looking forward to this day for a long time. The last things your friends want to be doing is taking care of you at 10 p.m. because you’ve already been puking for an hour.
Just take it a little easier than you otherwise would. Not to be your parent, but choose one drink less, you’ll enjoy your night more, I promise.
Now, if you have not paid any mind to my first two suggestions of people you shouldn’t be, you’re probably going to run into this individual: The Warmonger.
This is the guy (or in some cases girl) who is just itching to start throwing haymakers. There is really no rhyme or reason about it, but they’ve just been looking for a reason to get themselves expelled, and if you play your cards right, you could be their victim!
Whether it’s because your costume bothers them beyond anyone’s comprehension, or in the midst your drunken stupor you bumped into them and they spilled some of their Keystone Light on themselves, this person does not need much of an excuse to drop the gloves.
You should not only avoid this person, but don’t be this person. Please. You aren’t as tough as you think (and this is coming from a guy who is wearing glasses and a cardigan while he writes this story), and you just look like a fool.
The Sloppy, Public Hook-uppers
Alright, this just looks bad in the first place. As moved as everyone is by the love story unfolding in front of them of two people who just met shoving their Admiral Nelson-laced tongues down each other’s throats, it looks even worse on Halloween, and for one reason: costumes.
Although there’s nothing more heartwarming than seeing a nun and a member of the Village People getting nasty on the stairwell of someone’s house, trust me, you aren’t making people jealous, you’re making them hate you six ways from Sunday.
Again this all boils down to the fact that you’re going to stand out, which, like it or not, is going to make people loathe you quicker and even more than they otherwise would.
And this isn’t to say you shouldn’t have a great Halloween, I hope it’s the best you’ve ever had. Just don’t look like a clown in the process.
Happy Halloween everyone!