Editor’s Note: This is a weekly column series by an anonymous Springfield College student. To reach the writer, contact The Springfield Student at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Awkward. The word alone has had such an impact on our generation, that it has created a television series and a popular hashtag. But think about what has to happen to create such a phenomenon. How many times can you think of a situation where you’ve said, “Wow, that was awkward.” Well folks, let’s talk escape plans!
Situation No. 1: You see your last Friday night walking across campus. At first, you think he’s alone. But then he turns the corner, and you see someone else with him. Is it a girl? Could it possibly be another female? Of course not, because he was so into you Friday night, right? Wrong! Friday night was so three days ago…literally. Sure, he’s with another girl now. But really, who cares whom he’s with? All that matters is that you’re no longer wasting your time on somebody who doesn’t deserve you, so hold your head up high and strut your stuff right past him and his last Saturday night. Chances are, she’ll be walking with her next hook-up the next time you see her anyway.
Situation No. 2: You’re scrolling through Facebook when all of a sudden you see a little number one pop up on the notification center. Then a two…then a three, a four, a five! Your little heart starts racing of course, because social media is the oxygen of your soul. Excitedly, you click the button only to discover something horrifying. Your Saturday night has been posted for your grandma to see, with you in all of your glory. Don’t freak out! Take a second to recap your night in pictures, and then un-tag yourself in every picture you don’t want Grandma Bootsie to see. If you know the person who added the pictures, just send a quick little message asking them to take them down. Chances are, if it’s embarrassing for you, they don’t look good enough to be profile picture material anyway.
Situation No. 3: The serial texter. You meet someone that you feel an instant connection with. You exchange numbers and instantly begin texting. You know he’s into you because every other text comes back with a winkie face. Can’t you hear the wedding bells? No, you can’t, because the only bells you hear are the chimes that ring every time he texts you. But you realize that the texting has become a bit mundane, and that you’ve forgotten what your future husband sounds like in real life. You realize that you haven’t seen him in over two weeks. Then suddenly, you do. This is an emergency situation! If you happen to see this person face-to-face, brace yourselves, because it’s going to be ugly. It will feel very different in person. The comfort zone you two have created through the cyber world will suddenly disappear, and you will be left with a bunch of “um’s” and comments about the weather. Don’t fret, because this situation can only go one of three ways.
Option No. 1: He’s totally into you too, but he doesn’t have the “courage” to ask you to hang out. In this case, it’s completely acceptable to make the first move. It isn’t the 14th century anymore!
Option No. 2: He’s just not that into you, and you’ve embarrassed yourself an immense amount. If this is the case, just move on. Not everyone has a connection, and all you can remember now are his grammatical errors anyway.
Option No. 3: It turns out you were only texting because he has a girlfriend already. In this case, RUN in the opposite direction, because you’re dancing dangerously close to a bad line that you do not want to cross.
Just try to remember: chances are if it’s happened to you, you aren’t alone. Many people have gone through what you’re going through. Everyone has embarrassing pictures or awkward encounters with past lovers. Just remember to keep calm and Sexpert on. Until next time, my sexy readers!