Contributing Writer/Copy Editor
Sex without feelings is tricky business.
Others, though, are not always so lucky to have had this gift of nonchalance bestowed upon them, which makes sex without feelings a difficult concept to keep up with.
They say – and by “they,” I mean it could be pretty much anyone – that college is the time to have wild sex with practically anyone you can get your hands on. Some take this advice seriously, while others are more cautious of where they put their hands. I pass no judgment on either of these kinds of people; I am all for doing what makes you happy and what makes you comfortable.
Having sex without feelings is usually how it is for friends with benefits (FWB). By this point in today’s society, the occurrence is pretty typical.
The way it comes about is different for every pairing, but usually, sexual tension between people who are friends becomes so overpowering that both decide to just let that take control. It can be great or it can be bad, it can last for months or just 15 minutes (no judgment on that either).
FWB have almost become ideal for those of college age: It allows you to have sex with someone you like as a person, but you don’t have to deal with any of the other “stuff” that comes with relationships, like commitment.
What happens, though, when one of the friends wants more? What if sex without feelings has turned into sex with feelings? Is it even possible for one of the two people involved in such an arrangement to not develop feelings?
Can two people really just sleep together without any emotional attachment? And then, if there is an attachment, how often does it happen that the two people fall madly in love with each other and live happily ever after? And I’m asking about in real life, not in Justin Timberlake movies.
So, you know you want a relationship with this person, one with commitment and the goal to spend more time together and the promise of more attention. You know you want it, but instead of trying, you deprive yourself of even asking your partner to consider at risk of losing him/her.
If that’s your line of thinking, I am sorry to say that that is no good. It’s always important to be fair to yourself, and even though letting go of someone you have a great time with, both in and out of bed, can be a tough and heartbreaking thing to do, it’s also good to let go sometimes.
Letting go gives you the chance to grow, and being stuck in a FWB relationship that has a zero percent chance of ever progressing is no way to promote growth within yourself.
Sex is fun, but it’s not as much fun when part of you is enjoying the moment while another part of you is wishing the person that you’re enjoying this moment with was more than just a friend.
Sometimes, things work out for FWB and they do eventually live happily ever after; most of the time, that’s not the case. Not all things can last forever, so take what you learned from this friend and go forth, because you never know what could be just around the corner.