Editor’s Note: This is a weekly column series by an anonymous Springfield College student. To reach the writer, contact The Springfield Student at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Welcome back my little snow prides! I know it’s cold out, but hopefully you’ve all been staying warm the right way over break. You all know the fastest way to warm up your bodies is with your clothes off, right?
Speaking of warming up, I spent my break all nice and snuggled thinking of how to reintroduce this column for the second semester. I have to say, I’m so excited at the success of our first semester together! That being said, I would love to hear more from my sexy readers this time around. The Sexpert hears many things, but it would be great to have some suggestions for topics you’re burning to hear about. You can always reach me from the information found above.
Now that we’re all back on campus together, I know everyone is just dying to reconnect with that special someone they’ve been thinking about over break. Whether you were brave enough to text him or her, or you hid behind your fear of rejection, there’s no better time to make your move than the present!
There are plenty of what we’ll call “excitement triggers” on campus to get you “up” and motivated!
We already know that students here love to work out, but did you also know that working out can be a major biological turn on? The endorphins released during and after workouts not only give you a burst of energy (because let’s be honest, sometimes a small burst is all you’ll need), but they make you feel better about yourself. What’s that you say? You’ve been doing 100 squats a day in the gym? Well, isn’t it time to show off your results? The gym can help people feel positive about themselves, which can encourage a little play time for our athletes.
Another trigger is the storytelling that happens after break. Admit it, guys and girls, we all do it. You’ve been away from your friends for so long, you just can’t wait to tell them about that hot blonde you finally hooked up with from home. You’ve had a thing for her since the eighth grade man, congrats! And for the people listening, they can’t help but get a little excited themselves. It’s in our nature to hear the dirty details of one fantasy, and start to drift into our own.
But best of all, there is one excitement trigger more biologically proven than the rest to jumpstart your love life back at school. I’m talking about aphrodisiacs, of course! For those people who live under a sexual rock, an aphrodisiac is a substance that increases sexual desire. No, no, I’m not talking about dirty pictures or strip clubs, so get your minds out of the gutter. I’m simply talking about the foods you can eat that contain certain amino acids to trigger the production of sex hormones. Topping off the list are: oysters, avocados, chocolate and coffee.
Fortunately for us, we just opened up another coffee shop on campus. Who knows what could come from those endless combinations? All I know is people have had it all wrong this whole time about girls eating chocolate. Girls aren’t eating to cope with their feelings, – they are simply inducing their feelings of pleasure.
I hope to see all of you working out, sharing sex secrets, and stocking up on your aphrodisiacs as I wander around campus this week. And who could forget bananas as an aphrodisiac? Luckily for me, there is a Twitter feed that can explain that one for you all. Until next time, my sexy readers.