Editor’s Note: This ran as part of our April Fool’s Day edition in April 2013. The President is still planning on retiring after this academic year.
Giving up what you most enjoy isn’t easy. Whether you’re nearing the fateful age of retirement in sports, or even in the real world, saying the final goodbye could be one of the most difficult decisions to make. So difficult, that the internal tug-of-war has not only plagued great athletes like Michael Jordan, who returned to basketball after baseball, or Brett Favre, who found more gas in the tank on numerous occasions, but is now being felt by Springfield College’s own President Richard B. Flynn.
“I just can’t leave. I just can’t do it,” Flynn said shaking his head. “I really just want to see those young saplings turn into mighty oaks.”
Being a large part of Springfield College’s community, the student body is no stranger to Flynn’s already demonstrated indecisiveness. He has previously retracted a seemingly conclusive choice to retire once before, and it’s looking like lightning has struck Alden Street twice in the same place, as he once again withdraws from the retirement route.
A large portion of students on campus have begun associating Flynn’s back-and-forth decision making with that of the aforementioned former NFL quarterback Brett Favre.
Favre, who played just over a total of 300 games for the Falcons, Packers, Jets and Vikings, retired and “un-retired” three times at the end of his career. His first came at the finish of his 16-year run with the Packers; he then came back and played one year with the Jets, retired, and came back and played what was supposed to be his last season for the Vikings, but his teammates reportedly coaxed him into returning for his final go round with Minnesota.
The coverage of Favre’s never-ending retirement saga bothered many and even affected some people’s viewing of SportsCenter on ESPN because of the ridiculous amount of attention it received. It looks like that animosity is becoming relayed towards Flynn and his decision.
“The drama surrounding Favre in his last three seasons singlehandedly ruined SportsCenter for me, and I haven’t watched it since high school,” admits junior Frankie Anetzberger. “It’s kind of depressing to know that our own president is moving in the same direction as someone with such an obnoxious track record.”
Students aren’t angry that Flynn has handled this situation in this particular manner, more so disappointed that he’s set himself up to be compared to an athlete who’s decision making has been questioned and somewhat annoying in the past.
In an attempt to prevent the beloved president from taking on the same fate as Favre, students have been decorating Flynn’s home just down the street from main campus with Favre jerseys. Some have simply been hung over the fence along the sidewalk, while others have been constructed into flag-like quilts bearing all four of the quarterback’s former teams.
Freshman Ryan Dodge would like it to be known their reason for such action.
“We aren’t doing this to make President Flynn angry, or even to display our own anger,” Dodge exaplined. “We just don’t want his reputation and image to be remembered in the same light that Favre’s is.”
Now, Springfield College potentially faces the same task that the Green Bay Packers faced, replacing the man who meant the most to the team. Only two candidates have presented themselves for the running at this point in time, and it’s an understatement to say they’ve come from the most unlikely places.
“I honestly feel like I have what it takes to lead the Springfield College community in the future,” states senior Frank Barbuti. “I’m a natural leader in large or small groups and I answer every question in all of my classes. Just ask Communications Professor Dennis Gildea.”
Aside from Barbuti deciding to pitch his name in the replacement race, reports of an unnamed Cheney worker submitting his or her name for consideration has also been added to the conversation.
“I’m ready to take the next step,” said the anonymous Cheney worker. “I feel like I know the student body pretty well. I’ve also made over 82,000 cannolis. I’m ready for a big change here.”
President Flynn’s retirement or lack of has raised more than its fair share of questions. Is he really staying? Will he actually end up retiring? If so, who will replace him? Is the future of Springfield College hanging in the balance?
If he decides to throw in the towel to avoid the ill fate that the infamous No. 4 fell to, there’s no question that the future of Springfield College will be interesting to say the least…whether it is in the hands of a Cheney worker, Frank Barbuti, or someone else.