Editor’s Note: This is a weekly column series by an anonymous Springfield College student. To reach the writer, contact The Springfield Student at firstname.lastname@example.org
There are many different factors involved when it comes to having sex: the right time, the right place, the right kind of protection, and of course, the right person. It also takes the right kind of response. Let’s get real. We’ve all heard people having sex before. Though many things are said during sex, the most commonly heard term is “YES!” Don’t pretend like you don’t know this is true. This one word alone is the most important word to hear throughout the entire journey of sex. And I don’t mean during, though it is always nice to have some positive feedback. I am talking about beforehand.
People used to say that rape was only rape if there was a strong “NO.” Well, my sexy readers, here comes a shocker: your SC Sexpert has an opinion. I don’t believe that the only way for a person to get raped is by saying no. But I also believe there is a gray area. We’ll call it awkward sex for the sake of discussion. Many things can fall under this category; let’s use our imaginations, shall we? No need for me to get graphic. I told you all in the very beginning that my main goal was for this column to bring a sense of comfortability to sex on campus. But how can we be comfortable with things we aren’t informed about? Telling us that the only way to get raped is by saying no is the same thing as telling us that abstinence is the only way to avoid pregnancy. It’s simply not the truth. We need to get with the times, and start encouraging different policies.
Schools began steering away from abstinence, and started teaching safe sex for a reason. And guess what happened? The world did not end! Imagine that. Giving teens correct information, and allowing them to use it. In fact, teen pregnancy levels actually decreased drastically when taught safe sex over abstinence, according to an article by Alexandra Sifferlin from healthland.time.com titled, “What’s Behind The Drop in U.S. Teen Birth Rates.” Well, Springfield College, I have a revolutionary idea. Similar to teachers switching from the old abstinence theory, I would like to change the old thought of rape. Instead of saying that it’s only rape when you say an emphatic “No,” I would like to encourage us to look at the only way to have mutual sex is by saying YES!
Let me be VERY clear. Rape is never a joke. I take this topic very seriously, and my intentions are never to offend anybody. That being said, I strongly believe there isn’t enough awareness around this topic. I believe that many people on campus struggle with what I’m calling “awkward sex.” There are cases where rape is intended, and this column is NOT about those situations. My column is geared solely towards awkward sex.
I am defining awkward sex as sex that begins with good intentions, but gets too awkward to be enjoyable somewhere in the middle. This kind of sex appears in many different places, especially on a college campus.
Think about going to a party with your new love interest. You get all dressed up and look forward to hanging out all day. When you get to the party, you have a beer. Then you have a drink. You’re having a great time with your crush, and you seem to be drinking the same amount. You both have a couple more beers before the night is over and go back to your room. When there is alcohol in your system, there is no way to give consent. Let’s be honest, if you can’t unbutton your own pants, how can you possibly be able to make a decision as serious as having sex?
Scenario two: you’ve been sexting that cutie you always pass in Cheney, and you finally decide to hang out. You start kissing, and then things begin to heat up. You’re in the middle of a moment. Don’t be ashamed, this has happened to everyone. You continue hooking up, not really sure if you’re ready for this to happen. But it’s too late, isn’t it? You’re already well on your way to having sex, and you can’t disappoint the other person now. It’s too late, right? WRONG! This is how awkward sex begins.
I don’t agree that it’s only rape when the victim says “No,” but not saying anything at all can be a very confusing situation as well. Instead of looking for a defiant no, look for an enthusiastic “YES!” You can tell when you’re hooking up with someone if they’re into it or not, and both parties should be equally as involved. That’s what makes sex fun! The second it begins to feel forced or uncomfortable, it falls into the category of awkward sex, and that is not good for anyone involved.
Please my sexy readers, try to remember that rape is not a joke, and it is not always as easy to detect as one might think. Always try and look for that enthusiastic “YES” when having sex, but don’t be afraid to say no either. If the time is right, however, throw out a little enthusiastic “YES” of your own! Until next time my sexy readers.