Op-Eds Opinion

The SC Sexpert’s Naughty List

Editor’s Note: This is a weekly column series by an anonymous Springfield College student. To reach the writer, contact The Springfield Student at thescstudent1910@gmail.com.

sexpert logoHere at Springfield College, we “pride” ourselves on being the masters of all things athletic, and I would have to agree. We obviously have a killer men’s volleyball team, with many attractive California natives, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Well, not in this column at least. What’s the one sport that every single student here plays? Exactly! There isn’t one. But there is one athletic skill that every student here possesses. It’s called juggling.

Think about it. No matter if you’re an athlete, a singer or involved in anything else, every single one of us has learned the skill of juggling. And it’s not only schoolwork we juggle. We are also juggling our extracurricular activities, our home lives, and most importantly, our love lives. This kind of juggling will get even more difficult as we break for the holiday season.

Now, it’s fine and dandy for all the good little boys and girls out there who have been put on Santa’s nice list, but I’m much more interested in my naughty little prides and pridettes. While I always condone safe sex, Christmas break is a nice time to juggle some new love interests while at home. We all know how difficult it will be for the couples that met at school to make it the whole four weeks without each other. How will you ever get through breakfast without holding hands in the omelet line? Spare me! I’m looking forward to juggling a couple of Springfield College love triangles if I do say so myself, and when have I ever gone without having an opinion? It’s nice to be in a relationship, but it’s nicer to open your eyes and discover what’s waiting for you around campus.

So on the flip side, you’re going home for break, and you’re worried your Christmas tree will be all dried up by the time you return. No need to fret! There are plenty of options to consider.

Many times when people are away from campus, they feel more confident. If this happens to be you, try sending that extra flirty text to the hottie that sat in front of you in Biology class this past semester. Chances are, they’ll respond back because they are just as bored as you are at home! It’s a great way to be a little flirty without acting like a ho ho ho. It’s also a chance to build a relationship with someone before having anything physical happen. It’s a win for everyone involved!

Another positive aspect to leaving campus is returning home to all of the high school fantasies you’ve left behind. Remember your crush you never thought you were good enough for? Well, news flash my little elves, you go to Springfield College now. And you are a changed person. They would be so lucky to have the chance to get to know you. And now is the time. Everyone always says Christmas is all about the North Pole, but in this case, I want every one of you thinking of the South Pole! Eyes on the prize my sexy readers. But always be safe and make sure to wrap the candy cane before anything exciting happens. It wouldn’t be happy holidays with little gumdrops running around!

But on a lighter note, I do hope everyone has a wonderful break. Go and explore your sexual wish lists, and bring me back some juicy stories. I hope to enjoy a candy cane or two myself this break! Until next time, my sexy readers.

XOXO,

SC Sexpert

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